Our Happy Time by Gong Ji-Young

Author:Gong Ji-Young [Gong Ji-young]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
ISBN: 9781780720975
Publisher: Short Books
Published: 2014-08-16T04:00:00+00:00

But what right had I to these highest joys, when all around me was nothing but misery and struggle for a mouldy bit of bread?

– Kropotkin

BLUE NOTE 12

Eunsu and I returned to Yeongdeungpo. Blackie was still managing the kids. We went back to the subway stations and open-air markets to panhandle. Every time I passed the corner shop, I stood outside and glared at the owner who had accused us of stealing. I thought, I’ll get him one of these days. When I was strong enough, I would make him beg and plead for mercy, just as I had, and when that happened, I would look at him coldly and give him hell, just as he had done to me. If I had one reason to stay alive, it was to get revenge.

Then one day, Eunsu got sick. He had a high fever and couldn’t eat anything. I even bought him the cup ramen that he loved so much, but he couldn’t eat it. I had no choice but to stay off the streets for several days so I could take care of him, and we did not bring in any money. The day his fever broke, Eunsu opened his eyes and called out to me. ‘Yunsu! The person who’s singing right now. I bet she’s pretty. Isn’t she?’ I looked at the television playing in that tiny room. Blackie had put us in his own room for fear the other kids would catch Yunsu’s cold. It was the opening ceremony for baseball, and a woman in a miniskirt and a baseball cap was singing the national anthem. I said, ‘Yeah, I guess she’s pretty.’ Eunsu asked, ‘As pretty as our mom?’ Feeling annoyed, I said yes without thinking about it. But then Eunsu started to cry. I knew why he was crying, but I cussed him out anyway and kicked him and punched him even though he was sick. He cried even louder and said, ‘I won’t cry anymore, Yunsu! I won’t cry!’

I stopped hitting him and left the house. I joined up with some street kids I’d met once and passed the time drinking with them and avoiding going back to Eunsu and Blackie. I felt like punching and smashing everything. It was as if I had to knock out everyone I saw on the street—a mom holding hands with her kid, lovers walking side by side, students dressed in school uniforms. I wanted to beat the hell out of anyone and everyone who looked happy. Then I decided to pick a fight with a man who was walking down the street with a woman. I started it by saying, ‘Why are you looking at me like that?’ I was arrested again, and they let me out after several days. Blackie was furious. When he saw me, he told me to take Eunsu and get lost. ‘Damn it,’ I said, ‘if you want us gone, then we’ll leave.’

I went to find Eunsu. While I was gone, he had wasted away to skin and bones, and his face had shrunk to half its size.

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